Well.... Some good news and bad news. I found out I was pregnant on August 16th (Ironically the day I lost my 1st baby). We went in to the dr a couple days later. He looked at my blood work again (they had said it had all turned out normal btw). He found a double mutation on one of my genes, it's called mthfr, basically it means that I am prone to blood clotting (specifically it can affect pregnancy, not letting nutrients get to the baby, etc.) and that it can also mean I don't absorb folic acid as well as most people. So we decided to start on heparin (a blood thinner shot I got to give to myself 2x per day in my belly. Yes, it sucked pretty bad at first, but I got used to it after awhile. It did bruise my belly which wasn't fun), extra folic acid, as well as Progesterone (since I lose the babies right before 12 weeks we figured that progesterone was most likely the culprit.) The shots and folic acid were "just in case" since the mutations I have were the "good" mutations and most likely wouldn't cause me problems. But I was super excited that they finally found something! And that we were doing all this stuff to fix it.
We had an ultrasound when we were 9 weeks... baby was healthy and beautiful, strong heart, we were doing good.
I lost the baby on September 27th just before 11 weeks. Still trying to deal with it.
But, good news. I had a refferal from an ob in Chicago (my cousin works for him) for a specialist in sl, and then my dr. reffered me to the same specialist... so I figure that's a good sign.
I just hope we can find some answers, etc. I want my baby! I don't think I can go through this again. I guess it's good we can get pregnant... but I almost think it would be easier if we couldn't. Or maybe if I lost them sooner. And I know it could be worse, but that doesn't make me feel better either. I try so hard not to get excited, but with everything we were doing, and the ultrasound, and how far I was getting... I couldn't help but hope and get excited.
Specialist appt. on  the 27th. I'll keep you updated.

Moving Forward

So the last couple months have flown by. They've been running tests: they drew 16! vials of blood to run them (all at the same time mind you. And I was fasting. My arm was numb when they were done, but at least I didn't faint/throw up as I'm known for doing, lol).

My thyroid looks good, and I haven't heard back on the rest yet. I can tell you how grateful I am I have insurance though. The tests total cost $4000 and it looks like I will only have to pay about $125. :) It probably is just a progesterone definciency, but they want to make sure, and it will be good to know too. They're basically looking for a chromosome disorder or if I have some kind of blood clotting disorder, since I lose the babies around the same time right before the placenta takes over.

Besides that I'm trying to keep myself blissfully busy and distracted which really does help. I went back to work after a week, (it was too quiet and lonely at home and I kept watching movies like "Up" and "Star Trek" that did not help. I would call Nate bawling and he was like, "Why are you watching that!!?". lol, I just didn't think about it.) and it definitely keeps me busy. Drugs helped a lot right at the first, and surprisingly I didn't need them for very long, I was fine after about a week. I think why I had such a hard time coming back last year was because I only had about 2-3 days off and had to be back at work because my manager had a "breakdown" herself and someone had to run the store. Having a bit more time off was immensly helpful. I'm kinda rambling... oops.

I'm also finally getting somewhere with my photography. I did another wedding last month and I have a few family shoots booked. I even have a facebook business page now (Pearl Photography). Check out my blog if you haven't too! (pearlphotography.blogspot.com). Now I need a real website and some smoking hot business cards. Any other suggestions are appreciated. ;) Soon I will have the rest of the stuff on my photo "wishlist" which will be nice. My flash is really starting to bite the dust, and my poor tripod really doesn't do it's job very well.

Also I went to UVU's ballroom concert a couple weeks ago and about cried I miss dancing so much! I keep thinking, "Why in the world did I stop? I could be done by now!" I know why, I wanted kids more, but guess what, I still don't have kids, and I'm still not dancing... SO I think I will do summer team in the mornings for kicks and because I miss performing. I've been doing belly dance as well, which is a lot of fun, but ballroom is my first and true love ;) I'm so excited too because one day I will do these fantastic dance shoots, like I've always wanted to. Oh time, why can I only do so much with you??

And I'm doing Mary Kay again, just on the side, because I love the stuff. I need more time to actually do anything with it though. It's a bit frustrating really.

On top of all that I try to keep my house clean and am learning to throw things away. I'm getting better! (check out flylady.net ... it's totally saved my life). As well as spending time with my wonderful hubby. I am so happy it's spring and I can be outside again! Oh- I got released from Young Women's last sunday. It totally broke my heart: I couldn't stop crying all day! But then I got on a rebellious streak and now I have a second piercing in one of my ears, lol. I can do something rebellious occasionally, right? Maybe it's just because I want to feel in control of something. It really has been a hard few months. But I like my little earring, I think it's cute. I can take it out eventually. Although my niece's reactions were quite hilarious. I'm a way bad example ;)

More Heartache

And baby #3 decided to leave Sunday morning, Feb. 14th. Almost 10 weeks once again. At least now I qualify as "high risk" and can see a specialist... which hopefully leads to answers and an actual full term pregnancy and beautiful baby. I so thought this was the one.