Random thoughts

So many things are happening...

School is ALMOST OVER!! I can't believe that there is an end in sight! I just have finals left!

Nate's graduating next week too- hallelujah, it's taken a long time. Hopefully now life will begin to move forward.

Speaking of moving forward... I'm still not pregnant. Now I'm to the point of, I don't care right now and I'm not going to worry about it if it doesn't happen for awhile... I can worry in a few years if it doesn't. Maybe we just aren't ready to have a baby and God is like, you really want one, huh? Well I don't think so! You can't feed yourselves! And he's probably just laughing at us trying. Oh well. I'm sure it will happen eventually.

I really really really miss ballroom now. :( If I don't get prego I think I'll try to get on the summer team. That would be fun!

I'm changing jobs! Well, I'm still sticking w/ the hood part time somewhat, just cuz I love so many of the people there! It's really hard to leave for so many reasons, and really easy for a few... ah well. I'm going to Icing in the Orem mall. We'll see if I like it. I really hope I do, but if not I guess there's always somewhere else.

Can I tell you how great it is that it's WARM! It makes me so happy! I don't dread waking up anymore! But I do wonder if I've got some kind of issue, I have no energy,... maybe that will change when I'm less stressed, who knows?

AaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To go to school, or not to go to school? And Ballroom Photography...

Okay, so seriously, I cannot find any sites that have ballroom photography: I'm talking fine art, gorgeous portraiture type photography: not your snapshot competition photography.... I am shocked! Looks like there is a wide open field in that department! Seriously, these were all I could find (granted it wasn't a horribly long search, but ya know).

Also, I need help!! The last day to withdraw from classes is tomorrow... and I can't decide! I really want to, but I really don't want to. Pros of staying: I would be one more semester closer, be done w/ all my generals, and have learned photoshop, illustrator, etc.... I CAN do it, and I'll pass, and even do pretty well, just not as well as I want to (I can't spend as much time on all of my classes as what I need to)

I want more time for everything! There is so much I want to do and learn and try...

AAH! I almost just got hit by a car on the tv! No seriously, I looked up at the wrong second, and I'm so tired, I thought I was driving for a second and that I was going to run into someone....(it was a brake commercial!)

Apparently I drive too much... wow, that was freaky and hilarious... random.

Anyway, now that my heart is slowing down...

what I was saying is that I'm so interested in so many things, and there are so many things that I want to do and learn and be better at- photography, etc. But I DON'T HAVE TIME AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! and I keep trying to add MORE things into my crazy schedule, but I'm already maxed to the limit, what am I DOING? I seriously am losing it, this semester is a lot harder than any other semester, especially in the case of homework, and I'm so behind already, plus all of the stress of work... let alone anything else I'm doing. Something needs to change, and the one thing I want to drop I can't drop, and I'm hating this feeling of no escape. grr.

I know, I just need to be patient, May will be here soon, but I don't know if I can make it that long... it's not even midterm!

Goings On

Well I'm definitely starting to feel better. It was a super hard month, but it's over now.

I started the Eager study (it's a study looking at the effects of taking low dose aspirin and how it affects conception and gestation (it's already had huge proven benefits, they just need to make it "official", thus the need for volunteers to track actual results) and they're looking for women who have had one or two miscarriages). They will even give me a free fertility moniter, pregnancy tests, and ultrasounds (once I get pregnant). Plus now that found a midwive's clinic to go to, I feel like I have doctors who will actually help me! It's fabulous. So I'm hoping we will be able to get pregnant again soon. It took us a year last time, so hopefully not that long! If it takes longer than six months my midwife will start me on fertility meds (which pretty much guarantees twins or triplets even on the very lowest dose). Wahoo, that would be an adventure.

I'm so crazy busy, which is good in some regards, I just wish I had more time for everything. Like time to do my homework- what? But it keeps me distracted and is also helping me to figure out what is important to me, what I really want to be doing, etc. I'm lovin' photography, wishing I had more time for mary kay, and trying to figure out if I can start a successful photo business w/o a degree. I may be asking for models soon! lol

We'll found out in March about Grad school- Nate's applied to USC and BYU. He also wanted to apply to NYU but he ran out of time. So we have to see what will happen- it's driving me crazy already.

We also have court on the 12th! After 3 1/2 years, we will finally be able to see Adele. Goodness it has been absolutely ridiculous. This is the final trial (hopefully). We've been to court so many times already. I hope things go well, at least we have a better lawyer this time!

School Again...

I am very happy to be in school again. I wish I could just go to school or just work, but just going to school is not very realistic and just working would throw me into depression... no way jose. I love to learn! And I'm excited about my classes... a little stressed out because they aren't working out quite how I wanted them to. I was supposed to take one of my classes at 8am so I could have a breakfast break and a lunch/homework break, but it was full. Oh well. I like the teacher in the afternoon better anyway, it just means that I have classes straight from 11 til 5. At least they're not as far away from each other as they were last semester. And hopefully I can get into voice lessons, I'm excited, but her spots are pretty full and I don't exactly have a flexible schedule. lol.

It's also hard being back in school, I don't feel back to myself yet. Work is much harder tho, so I won't complain about school. I also got into my photo 2 class, and I'm not going to kid myself, it will be a lot of work, but I think I'll learn a lot. Only 16 weeks, right? I do need to figure out how I'm going to take care of myself- like eating. Well, eating more regularly.... I keep grabbing things like skittles and that just doesn't do it. I love real food, just wish I had more time! Although this way I can take photos and do labs and homework in the mornings, which will be good.

Heartache

I just lost my 2nd baby. 10 weeks along this time. I don't know what else to say, except that I just want a baby, and this feels really, really unfair. I don't think I'll feel good again until I can get pregnant again, and keep it in me.

And thank goodness for painkillers, it even helps dull my emotional pain somewhat, until I can deal with it better. (Don't worry, I'm not going to become a drug addict!)